I'm not really sure how this whole blog thing works. I guess I just treat it kind of like a diary that the entire world can read if they wanted to? Alright, sweet. Well since this is my first post, I'll fill you in, although I'm sure no one is reading this.
Everyone in my blog is going to have a nickname. Once I give them a nickname, it will never change.
So in summer 2008, before my sophmore year, I dated this guy. Let's call him Bigbird. He was alot more popular than me in school. I'm not sure how it happened, we just started talking one day, and the conversation never really ended. It was completely out of no where, but I loved every minute of it. He was sweet hilarious and cute, and the best part was the fact that he felt the same way about me. Every date was filled with endless conversations and laughter. I was crazy for the kid.
Long story short, he ended it and headed off to boarding school a month later.
Before Bigbird, I had always had a thing for my best guy friend. We'll call him Apple.
Apple and me met in a very unusual way. I was at my friends house baking cookies for Christmas baskets. Then her brother came upstairs with Apple. Her entire family got in this really intense argument about the cookies (Yeah, I mean INTENSE). Me and Apple backed away. He looked at me and said "We're just the innocent bystanders". We ended up talking alot after that day. We went on a date, but nothing came of it. We became best friends, although I always secretly longed for more. A naive little Freshman I was.
Blah, Blah, Blah. This is all in the past. I'm just creating a base for my future posts.
Bigbird got me over Apple, but when he left, I fell right back in sync with my feelings for Apple. Sophmore year was rocky with this because Apple had a girlfriend. My feelings increased, but I tried to keep my distance. I never want to be "that girl" who messes with a relationship. It just sucked because I couldn't concentrate on anyone or anything else. He was my number one priority, as sad as it sounds.
Moving on...
Bee is my best friend. Me and her have been friends since the first day of kindegarten. I care about her more than anyone. I think of her as my sister. She'll probably come up alot, so I'm just throwing that out there.
I have alot of other friends, but they'll be nicknamed as they pop up in my blogs. These three are the most prominent figures so far in my high school career.
Anyways, Apple changed over the summer, and one day I got over him. It took 18 months, but I moved on. That might be due to the fact that Bigbird came back to our highschool this year. We became good friends over the school year after he left and we had made up and everything. So we hung out over the summer, and we started to act like we were dating again. I was super excited, but then he stopped talking to me again. Awesome, right? So school starts, and one day he drives me home and for the next week we talk and hang out a few times. I was starting to get hopeful, as I can rarely help from doing. However, I was clueless. He was confusing me so much. I didn't want to end up int he situation I had been in with Apple, cursed with cluelessness and an empty desire for over a year. So I planned on talking to him about it. You know, find out if it was going anywhere. If he said no, I'd stop talking to him completely.
It didn't work out that way.
We hung out, and as usual, everything was going great and I was walking on a cloud. We just got along so perfectly. As if our personalities were made to match eachother's. We were watching a movie and we started kissing. He said he felt like going out, so I agreed. I don't like being cooped up in my house anyways.
Before I go on, you need to realize I've always had a ton of respect for myself. I'm a good person. I don't party like a maniac, and I am not easy. Bigbird knows this about me. He always respected me in the past. He never pushed if I objected. My friends know this about me, and they always tell me they admire me for it. I don't care what other people want to do, I take care of myself.
Anyway, I'm going to spare you the details, but eventually he was pushing for home plate or whatever you want to call it. I said no. I didn't want to do that. He was being pushy, so I took that opportunity to tell him everything I'd been feeling. When I had finsihed, he told me he would never stop talking to me. I was the most important girl in his life. The only one of his friends who didn't forget about him when he left for school. The only girl he could talk to and be himself with. He told me that I was special. You know, all the sweet talk. I still said no, although I was swaying slightly. I didn't want ot give into that.
Then he said those words. "If we keep hanging out and we're still into it, we can go out".
I've always wanted him to be my boyfriend. It was my weak spot. Did he know that? I just wanted him to be mine. No one else's.
I gave in. Yeah, I know... I'm a sucker.
Two weeks later, nothing had changed. He said he just didn't want a relationship. After changing his reason four times, thats the one he settled on. He took everything I'd protected and spit in my face on top of it. Screw him.
I'm still upset, but I pretend I'm over it. I don't want to drag anyone else down with me. I just miss him, ya know?
Oh. One more guy that might pop up randomly is Purple. He's just this senior I've had a huge crush on forever. We talk sometimes. Nothing ever really happens, but it's a distraction...
I'm currently listening to Taylor Swift. Her songs are very relateable. But now that I'm done with this entry I'm gonna put on some Nickelback. (:
Mondays tomorrow, have a great week. :)
Forget-Me-Not
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